Showing posts with label Toad News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Toad News. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Toade News: Black Hawk Down


Al Jazeera Wednesday 22 August 2007 reported that a US Helicopter, the UH-60 Black Hawk, has crashed in Northern Iraq, killing 14 soldiers on board.

Americans must thank their President for more deaths in the US Military - collateral damage eh Mr President.


The Black Hawk came down during a night operation on Wednesday. A statement said the aircraft experienced mechanical problems and that there was no sign of hostile fire. The soldiers killed were with Task Force Lightning.

Yeah, Task Force Lightning indeed. They sure went down like they were struck by lightning.

The report went on to say that it is the deadliest crash for the US Army since January 2005.

Hmm... deadliest crash and it wasn't even hit by anything .... Force Majeure ... An Act of God, perhaps. And our Government is considering buying these Black Hawks to replace our Nuri helicopters which are nothing more than glorified flying scrap metal.


Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Toade News

Anyone of you who are still not convinced how dumb the Americans are, please read this article from the Guardian. Note the intelligent comment by the FBI Agent that Arabic writing are full of squiggles and can thus easily hide messages..... errr ....??? I rest my case. Should these dumb people be allowed to have weapons of mass destruction?
******************************

Saturday, the Guardian
"No Fairy Tales Allowed

Lawyer Clive Stafford Smith has 36 clients in Guantánamo and has visited many times. In this powerful extract from a new book he argues that secrecy in the camp is a disease. I had visited several times and there was something nagging at me. I could not work out what left me uniquely unsettled about the place. It was not the depressing environment; few prisons are inspirational. It was not the occasional intimidation. Eventually it came to me: I could not remember being lied to so often and so consistently. In Guantánamo, lying was a disease that had reached pandemic proportions. Former "detainee" Binyam Mohamed [British resident arrested in Pakistan] viewed the whole military commission process as a con, a lie that was meant to deceive the world. In June 2006 the supreme court said the same, in more temperate terms, and struck down the commissions as illegal. It rejected Donald Rumsfeld's assurance that the trials would be fair, accusing the administration of "jettisoning" legal rights. In Guantánamo, the military began with smaller lies and worked upwards. I was visiting Camp Echo one day and they had messed up the visitation schedule. The client I was meant to see was not there, although I had sent the schedule for my visits several weeks before. I thought I might as well go ahead and see Shaker Aamer [British resident captured in Afghanistan], whom I was not meant to meet until later in the week. So I asked the SOG (the sergeant of the guard, in charge of the camp) whether Shaker was in his normal cell. "No, he's not here," the SOG replied. I settled down for another wasted hour, waiting for the military to bring over someone I could see. It was hot even under the umbrella at the "picnic table" - the area behind one of the cells in Camp Echo where they made lawyers wait. I watched a lizard crawling up the green mesh on the wire fence. I thought about the spider in Robert the Bruce's cave, continually battling to spin its web and teaching patience to the early Scottish nationalists.

The next day I saw Shaker. "Were you here yesterday?" I asked. "Yeah, ofcourse. I've been here for weeks," he replied. So why did the SOG lie to me? He could have said, "Sorry, sir. I am not permitted to speak about that," or "Yes, sir, he is here, but I am afraid we cannot deviate from the schedule." Instead he looked me in the eye and lied. It was unsettling. He had seemed a clean-cut, well-mannered sort of person. The dissembling disease got worse as time passed. First there was the effort to suppress the truth, with censorship or silence rather than any overt falsehood. Then there was the lie by semantics, where the US military redefined the language to provide plausible deniability. Finally, there was the bare-faced lie. This kind of culture does not germinate in a vacuum. Rumsfeld is responsible for a reconstitution of the English language. I set about compiling a glossary of the Gitmo-speak. The language was so deceptive that I found it appalling and amusing in equal measure. In a December 2004 press conference, the US navy secretary Gordon England tried to defend conditions in Guantánamo by producing the novel argument that the camp was rehabilitative: "People have learned to read and have learned to write, and so it's not just being incarcerated. We do try to get people prepared for a better life." Prisoners had some difficulty exercising their new-found abilities. Indeed, contrary to England's statement, prisoners in Guantánamo were certainly not considered "people" and the guards were not even allowed to call them "prisoners". One of the escorts told me that, on pain of punishment, soldiers are required to call them "detainees". He wouldn't even say the word "prisoner" out loud. The Pentagon had come to the conclusion that it sounds better for us to "detain" someone for several years, given that he has not been offered atrial. Naturally I set about avoiding the word "detainee". Meanwhile the authorities exercised rigid control over any information that the prisoners received. Each time I went to visit, I would take a suitcase full of reading materials. I maintained a log reflecting the fate of each publication. Magazines awarded the stamp DENIED included National Geographic, Scientific American and Runner's World. On one occasion it seemed justified, since that month's National Geographic had a story about building an atomic bomb, but the editions about whales and African tribes hardly seemed a threat to national security. One soldier explained the censorship of Scientific American to me: the prisoner might learn about some hi-tech weapons system. Banning Runner's World was less obvious, given the naval base was surrounded on one side by a Cuban minefield and on the other three by ocean. I was surprised - and Shaker Aamer was incensed - that they would not let in The African-American Slave by Frederick Douglass. Uncle Tom's Cabin was also barred. I dropped off an anthology of first world war poetry for Omar Deghayes that included Wilfred Owen's poem Futility, about the ghastly violence of war. It was returned DENIED. Omar was born in 1969 and was a British refugee from Libya. His father was tortured and killed by Muammar Gadafy in 1980, and as a teenager Omar moved with his family to Brighton and studied law. He had not completed his law exams, so I brought his books so he could study, ready for his release. Law books, though, were not permitted, least of all a subversive to me about thelegal rights of prisoners. The Save Omar campaign auctioned off an autographed copy of John Pilger's book Hidden Agendas to raise funds. The highest bidder donated it back, soI could try to get it in to Omar. It was written in 1998 and the index hadno references to Islamic extremism. The most controversial statement I could see in the book was Pilger's comment that most of the victims of terrorism were Muslims. It never got through. At this point British political authors began to vie for the status of having a book banned. The New Statesman editor John Kampfner gave me a signed copy of his book Blair's Wars for Omar. Clare Short signed a copy of An Honourable Deception? New Labour, Iraq and the Misuse of Power with a dedication: "Hope you will be back with us soon, Omar.". An inverted snobbery began to develop: if your book slipped through the censors, perhaps that would cast doubt on the credibility of your opinions. I worried that Jeremy Paxman would be disappointed that his book The English was allowed in.

The only Australian left in Guantánamo, David Hicks, was facing a military con-mission, like Binyam, and his lawyer was banned from giving him Scott Turow's legal thriller Presumed Innocent. The basis for censoring The New Dinkum Aussie Dictionary was less clear. Perhaps the strangest decision involved four books returned with the notation: "These Items were not Cleared for Delivery to the Detainee(s)." They were Puss in Boots, Cinderella, Jack and the Beanstalk, and Beauty and the Beast - all in Arabic translation. As one FBI agent admonished me: "You know that Arabic script is full of squiggles, and it can easily hide messages to the prisoners." Could it be, I wondered, that Cinderella was secretly an enemy combatant? Eventually the military barred us from bringing books for our clients altogether. So much for education.

Next there was the senseless secrecy. Every word that my Guantánamo clients said to me was deemed classified and I had to get permission from censors to reveal it. To violate them would be a criminal offence and I could end up in jail. Whenever I met with a client I would take notes, but I could not take them with me when I left. I was obliged to put them into an envelope, seal them with SECRET stickers and give them to the military escort to mail to Washington. The notes went by normal mail, which seemed far from secure. Indeed, the first time I visited the military lost my notes for weeks. This procedure prevented the lawyers from revealing the truth about Guantánamo for a long time after any visit. This meant that I would visit Guantánamo, fly back to England, then return to Washington three weeks later to review my own notes. Meanwhile I was forbidden from saying anything to anyone about what my clients had said. Once the notes arrived in Washington, I would get notice that I could come to the "secure facility" to review them and submit facts for classification review. Even today I cannot repeat some of what my clients told me, but nothing I learned in Guantánamo would be classified in a sane world. I never saw anything that was relevant to US national security, unless it would make the US less secure to admit the truth about torture committed by American personnel. All this was to control the flow of bad news out of Guantánamo. From the beginning Joe Margulies, the other civilian lawyer working for Binyam Mohamed, encapsulated the proper response to this: if we could open up the prison to public inspection, the government would close it down. The awkward truth about what was happening there would outweigh any perceived benefit of keeping the prison open. Meanwhile, the government wrote the rules. The military censor was dogged in defence. It was not his fault; he was merely applying the rules and trying to do it as politely as possible when we met in the secret Washington facility. In November 2004, I met Moazzam Begg in Camp Echo. Moazzam was from Birmingham, and we talked for hours and he poured out his desperate experiences. He impressed me from the beginning with his understated eloquence. He had been with his family in Afghanistan, working on a charitable project that involved schools and water wells. When he and his family fled the war to Pakistan, he became one of hundreds sold for bounties to the Americans. Later, he ended up in Guantánamo, tarred as amajor terrorist. When my notes got back to Washington, in January 2005, I wrote a 40-page memo about how Moazzam had been abused by the US military in Afghanistan. Every word was censored. The way the military had pretended to torture his wife in the next room, even information about American soldiers murdering two prisoners in front of Moazzam, was considered a "method of interrogation" that could not be revealed. I was not allowed to reveal how my clients' mental health was crumbling either. Moazzam had been tortured, then held in solitary confinement for 18 months; he suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder; he had nightmares, flashbacks, all the symptoms. But this, the military said, was a privacy issue. The effort to suppress this backfired. Had they come out immediately, the facts of Moazzam's abuse would have soon have slipped into obscurity. The cover-up ran and ran. I wrote one letter to Tony Blair which began with a title, Re: Torture and Abuse of British Citizens in Guantánamo Bay. The next two pages were the highlights of the torture committed against Moazzam and other British citizens. I put in a paragraph saying, "Anything that has been censored or blacked out in this letter, your close allies in the United States don't think you should be allowed to hear." I then attached the 40-page memo detailing Moazzam's abuse. What I got back from the censorwas extraordinary. Every word about torture was declared to be classified, except the title, but the last sentence made it past the hovering blackmarker. By now there were perhaps a dozen on our team of volunteer lawyers and eachone was running into similar problems with the censorship regulations. We tried to press the issues systematically, and eventually the government was persuaded to relax the rules. At last we could get information out to provehow the clients had been mistreated, and the memos about Moazzam's mistreatment were cleared. Indeed, with the threat of this evidence of torture making it into the public eye, the pressure on the Bush administration increased, and at the end of January, Moazzam and the three British prisoners who remained in the prison (Feroz Abbasi, Richard Belmar and Martin Mubanga) were set free. Moazzam and Feroz had been among the six prisoners originally charged in the military commissions, supposedly the very worst terrorists on the base. Their release, and the fact that the British government found no charges to bring against them, illustrated the extent of the US military's delusion.

Gaining trust is not easy. When we won the right to visit the prisoners the military tried to outflank us. They began by sending in interrogators pretending to be lawyers. They said all the lawyers were Jewish, relying on perceived Muslim prejudices to drive a wedge. The next gambit was arguably even sillier. "They have been saying ..." Usama Abu Kabir hesitates, not wanting to go on. "They say ... " By this time Usama is scarlet. He is a courteous man. "Well ... that you like having sex with men!" I want to say that it should make no difference to him. I can't afford to, as so many of my clients here have been brought up in conservative Islamic countries, and we don't have time for a debate. I have to wave my wedding ring about and issue a denial. There are valid reasons for mistrust. What is to distinguish the lawyer from an interrogator after years of deception? To represent a prisoner here you must be an American citizen. "Hi! I'm from America and I'm here to help you." When a prisoner has a legal visit it is called a "reservation", the euphemism used for interrogation. Some lawyers say the meetings are confidential. The prisoners laugh. Everyone knows that there are cameras in the cell and microphones by the door. There are other problems. One saw a client for the first time with a translator whom the prisoner had previously seen working with US military intelligence."
Extracted from Bad Men by Clive Stafford Smith, published by Weidenfeld and Nicolson on April 26th priced £16.99.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Toade News: Death in the rainforest:

Our friends are dying. We are going extinct. Please check out these news in the UK times:

Fragile creatures give the world a new climate warning
http://environment.guardian.co.uk/conservation/story/0,,2058785,00.html
By the way what happened to those 2 we sent to Iraq on a "holiday"? They have yet to report anything .... Anyone seen them? See photos below. They are pretty adorable.


Now for some news. TOAD of the Week award goes to Paul Wolfowitz son of Jacob Wolfowitz from a family of Zionists. Paul Wolfowitz is the Chief Architect responsible for the illegal invasion of Iraq. He was rewarded by that big wolly President Bush who thereafter made him President of the World Bank. Now he is caught in a controversial scandal - he is the chief architect in promoting his own girlfriend who works in the World Bank - including handing her a big pay rise. We at Toade News say "Wot a big wolly he is thinking with his lil willy!" I betcha Ol' Jacob Wolfowitz is proud of his son now!

Advert: There are job vacancies at the Al Qaeda who are on a strong recruitment drive. Perks offered are life insurance coverage (which includes coverage for death caused by suicide), 7 weeks intensive weapons, munition and explosive training, lots of traveling etc. Interested applicants can apply to the following person at the following address:

Agent Smith, Human Resource Department, Central Intelligence Agency, Washington D.C. 20505.

Cheerio Folks!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Toade News



Before we start, we would like you to stare at the image above for ten seconds whilst moving your torso forwards & backwards in a rocking motion and say to yourselves "I will believe everything I read on Toad Exodus".

We at Toad Exodus do not have the time, energy, funds, military power, explosives or guns to manipulate your thinking process so our intelligence team of volunteer crackpots have devised a scheme to hypnotise our readers into instantly believing everything we write here.

Repeat after us repeatedly for the next half hour:

"a.President Bush is a war criminal.

b. Prime Minister Blair is a war criminal.

c. Prime Minister John Howard is a war criminal.

d. All persons above must be impeached and indicted for their war crimes."

Now for the news. The UK Times 12 April 2007 carries the following article by Matthew Parris "There's one man who must take the lie-detector test". He says:

"Politicians [in UK] have come up with a great idea. They now plan to subject us in Britain to US-style lie-detector tests." He called Prime Minister Tony Blair "the most consummate confidence trickster on the planet". Those who don't quite understand this sentence, let us simplify it for you - he called Blair a bloody liar. He also recommended that Blair be put on the lie-detector test at Prime Minister's Questions.

"If at noon on Wednesday the buzzer does not sound when Tony Blair speaks, then the whole technology can be scrapped as useless."

Meanwhile, the Guardian (same date) carries the headlines "Top Generals reject war tsar role for Iraq & Afghanistan". 3 retired generals approached by the White House about a new high-profile post overseeing the wars in Iraq & Afghanistan & reporting directly to the president have rejected the proposed post, leaving the administration struggling to find anyone of stature willing to take it on.

"The unwillingness of the generals to take the job undermines recent attempts by the Bush Administration to put a positive spin on the Iraq war. Mr Cheney [the ultimate consummate liar next to Bush] last week reiterated claims of links between al-Qaida and Saddam Husseins' Iraq in spite of newly released US intelligence assessments saying there had been no evidence. Mr Cheney also favours air strikes against Iran's nuclear sites. [Can somebody string this arsehole upside down by his balls? He's really pissing me off]. The US is still claiming that Iran is supplying Iraqi insurgents with explosive devices used in ambushes on US & British troops & that Iran is training insurgents to use the explosives. A Major General William Caldwell said the information had been gleaned from interrogation of detainees as recently as this month, some of whom said they had been in Iranina traning camps."

Yes, well, considering their interrogation techniques, anyone would admit to anything - even having sex with President Bush! err on second thoughts, maybe not that...

The Guardian also carries a report by the International Committee of the Red Cross which details "unbearable suffering of Iraqi civilians". According to the report, Iraqi civilians are experiencing "immense suffering" because of "disastrous" security situation, deepening poverty and a worsening humanitarian crisis. The ICRC also sees no sign that the American-led security "surge" in Baghdad is bringing relief to the capital. "The suffering the Iraqi men, women and children are enduring today is unbearable and unacceptable" Pierre Kraehenbuehl, director of operations for the organisation, said at the group's Geneva headquarters.

We at Toade News would like to remind you that the Iraqi people lived in peace and prosperity under the late Saddam Hussein and their lives have been shattered by the Americans and their coalition forces the British and the Australians for their own nefarious purposes.

Our friend Tina has taught us a special curse, which we feel should be repeated daily:

"May a group of diseased and hyperactive hedgehogs take up residence in the arses of Bush, Blair and Howard and all those who support them."

Tune in regularly for our alternative, upbeat & biased news. Cheerio folks.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Toade News: April 2007

We tried to post this news yesterday evening but there was some technical problem so here it is... a tad too late but good news anyway.

Those poor sods from Britain captured trespassing Iranian waters have been released. No more Shish Kofte and free flowing liquids for these lot. They have to go back to bonny England to their horrid smelly kippers (and I'm not talking about their women) and chips.

The Iranian president, Ahmadinejad said that Britain is not brave enough to admit their mistake but the Iranian people are magnanimous enough to forgive these poor sods and send them home by plane in business class.

The American vice president Dick Cheney (his parents must have had great forsight when they named him - knowing that he would grow up to be a major prick) said it was unfortunate that they were taken in the first place and that he hopes there was no deal being made. Hmmm, we think that is some side threat to the Brits. Blair insists that there was no deal being made - although, coincidentally, an Iranian diplomat who was kidnapped in Iraq earlier, was released on the same day. The Brits & Americans deny kidnapping him. yaddah, yaddah, yada... yeah, we believe you guys...

Ahmadinejad seems to be on some media publicity blitz, first putting those British captured naval crew on telly regularly, showing them enjoying the generous hospitality of the Iranian government, in their impromtu holiday in Tehran - assimilating very well with the Iranian culture, donning headscarves et al. The Brits are more flexible than the Americans. They do believe in the concept of "whilst in Rome do as the Romans do". Had it been an American naval crew that was captured, they would have insisted on eating burger & fries only or fried chicken and corn. Yeah, we think Ahmadinejad handled the whole situation very well, making Blair look like the shithead he really is.

Round One to Ahmadinejad!

Meanwhile, back at home... and we don't make it a practise to cover news at home as its rather boring (and you can read Malaysia Today for more interesting news, anyway), our Tan Sri Syed Mokhtar
is believed to have secured a mega oil and gas project in the construction of a whopping RM50 billion oil refinery and pipeline system in the northern Peninsula.

It is believed that the project will involve the participation of Syed Mokhtar, Iran's national oil company, UEM World Bhd and former Petronas executives. Heehee, hooray for Tan Sri Syed Mokhtar! Does he care about this stupid embargo imposed by the Americans & sanctions by the UN?


The Edge reports as follows:
"It is said the project involved the establishment of the refinery in Pulau Bunting in Kedah, and the construction of a 300km pipeline straddling Kedah, Perak and Kelantan.....It is said the project involved the establishment of the refinery in Pulau Bunting in Kedah, and the construction of a 300km pipeline straddling Kedah, Perak and Kelantan.... Operationally, the crude oil will be moored off Kedah, refined and transmitted through the pipelines to Kelantan and subsequently loaded on to tankers and shipped to Korea, China and Japan, bypassing Singapore."

This is the best news we've heard this week! 3 cheers for Kedahans! Meanwhile our Prime Minister is going on about protecting our country from terrorists... err what's up with him? Is he following that anal John Howard's footsteps, sucking up to that world terrorist Bush?

Ok, that's all for now folks. Tune in for more upbeat happy news on Toade News. We are off for our coffee break.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Toade News: April 2007

We at Toad Exodus (me and my colony of minions from the Swampland) have set up a newsroom to impart up to date world news of great interest to ourselves which we feel should be of great interest to you too. Due to budget constraints, our news are plagerised from other people's reports and not obtained independently by our foreign correspondents as "we ain't got any, mate". So you will see reports from other news agencies plastered here. However, we have managed to send out 2 unsuspecting fools from our Toad colony to the Middle East, telling them that they have won a lucky draw, ie a free trip to the historic nation of Iraq. We will be receiving reports from them on details of their "holiday" from time to time and have fully equipped them with a Nokia handphone each.

Now, today's news which should be of great interest to you, is on Iran and of course those blundering idiots, the United States (yeah, God Save America, indeed). Here are some snippets from the Independent by a Patrick Cockburn entitled "The Botched US Raid that led to the Hostage Crisis". (you see, even the British are calling the Americans bumbling fools and are blaming them for the recent capture of their sailors and marines).

"A failed American attempt to abduct two senior Iranian security officers on an official visit to northern Iraq was the starting pistol for a crisis that 10 weeks later led to Iraninas seizing 15 British sailors and Marines."

The report goes on to tell us that on January 11 this year, helicopter-born US forces launched a surprise raid on a long-established Iranian liaison office in the city of Arbil in Iraqi Kurdistan. "They captured five relatively junior Iranian officials whom the US accuses of being intelligence agents and still holds". hrrmmph, at this rate, even our tea lady in her dainty floral blouse would be accused of being an intelligence agent by these Americans. The Independent goes on to point out the British government's mismanagement of the whole situation "Better understanding of the seriousness of the US action in Arbil - and the angry Iranian response to it - should have led Downing Street and the Ministry of Defence to realise that Iran was likely to retaliate against American and British forces such as highly vulnerable Navy search parties in the Gulf." Hmmm ... search parties indeed. Another name for intelligence agents? Or illegal invaders' & occupiers' forces? The English language has been very much abused by the Americans and the British lately.

The Independent then reveals the US' real objective in the initial attack in Arbil. "The aim of the raid, launched without informing the Kurdish authorities, was to seize two men at the very heart of the Iranian security establishment." And who were these 2 much coveted persons they wanted to capture? Mohammed Jafari, the powerful deputy head of the Iranian National Security Council and General Minojahar Frouzanda, the chief of intelligence of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard (toad warning: doncha ever mess with these fellas). "The two men were in Kurdistan on an official visit during which they met the Iraqi President, Jalal Talabani, and later saw Massoud Barzani, the President of the Kurdistan Regional Government." The Independent goes on to make this very important statement - the attempt by the US to seize the two high-ranking security officers openly meeting with Iraqi leaders is akin to "as if Iran had tried to kidnap the heads of the CIA and MI6 while they were on an official visit to a country neighbouring Iran, such as Pakistan or Afghanistan".

"The US officials in Washington subsequently claimed that the five Iranian officials they did seize, who have not been seen since, were 'suspected of being closely tied to activities targeting Iraq and coalition forces'." The Independent then says "This explantion does not make any sense. No member of the US-led coalition has been killed in Arbil and there are no Sunni-Arab insurgents or Shia militiamen there."

Yeah, I mean, has anything the US has told us made any sense at all?? Its just a load of bullshit they are dishing out to us so that they can get away with mass killings and looting. We at Toade News will give you details of the US Looting Expedition in Iraq some time soon. Its our lunch break now and we have some flies to munch... Cheerio until the next news bulletin!