TWILIGHT - THE BOOK THE MOVIE THE OPRAH INTERVIEW

There are 3 reasons why you should NOT read TWILIGHT the Book:
1. Bella
2. Bella
3. Bella

There are 6 reasons why you should NOT watch TWILIGHT the Movie:

1. Bella

2. Kristen Stewart (Yuks!)

3. Bella

4. Kristen Steward (Yuks! again)

5. Bella

6. Kristen Stewart

I watched the movie first before I read the book. For a long time I couldn't "get" why women and girls are so gaga over Robert Patterson. One day, I accidentally came upon the movie playing on telly. After a few minutes I fell asleep - this was how much the movie impacted me. Then a few weeks later a friend gave me a DVD of this movie and was gushing so much about this Edward the Vampire that I conceded and sat down to watch it - making sure I watched it to the end. Yes I fell for Edward - but only because he is so uncannily like this person I love. His intensity, the things he says ... are exactly the same. I was stunned.

New Moon was sooooo soooooooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooooooo excruciatingly painfully dull - except the last part when Edward and those Italian vampires showed up. Somebody kill that insipid character Bella already !!!!! Arrrrrrgh!!!!

At first I blamed the actress - I thought they casted the wrong person for the part as you just could NOT warm up to her. So, due to sheer frustration, I decided to pick up the book and read it. Arrrrggghhhh it doesn't get any better. Bella in the Book is a total PAIN. She is a total PAIN in all the books!!! WHY WHY WHY did someone, ANYONE, not KILL her within the first few sentences of this book???? How unlovable can the main character be??? Its like that bloody Catherine I used to hate in Wuthering Heights.

There I was, over the weekend, mulling over why the Twilight series are such a hit. The author has got 2 things right in her formula. First - is of course - Edward ... He is the epitome of most women's fantasies. The very reason Mills and Boons and Barbara Cartland made so much money. Good looking, brooding, can't find love until he finds that One person he has been searching for, Rich, intelligent, has nice cars, cool parents and siblings - damn he is just sooooooo perfect. NOW the second ingredient in the formula is, to me, the KEY to the success of this book and the movies. That HATEFUL INSIPID ANNOYING LOATHSOME Bella. There are more plain girls out there in this world who are weak, never been popular at school, who spend their time fantasing about the most good looking boy in school and in their fantasies, this boy will find that one special quality in this pathetic wallflower and fall madly in love with her, ignoring all the gorgeous cheerleading girls fawning after him. Yes! this is what it's all about. The Wallflower versus the A list girls in school. Revenge of the Wallflower. These plain girls are living vicariously through these books and movies. They are thinking to themselves - "See! The most beautiful vampire in the world did not fall for the beautiful blonde Tanya or Rosalie (both vampires) - he falls for the mere mortal, albeit colourless with mousy brown lank hair and zero personality - a squid can evoke more interest than this pathetic creature! In fact, all the boys in the entire school finds this kretin "attractive" and want to date her - sigh another wallflower fantasy the author has cunningly plugged in. Either the author is a genius to use this Wallflower-becomes-superhero-and-saves-the-day formula OR the author herself was once (and is probably still) a Wallflower herself and these are just HER fantasies that she has penned down.

This whole Werewolf fighting the Vampire for the Wallflower episode in New Moon and Eclipse nearly got me shredding the books or setting them on fire. I was sooo agitated, I couldn't enjoy the read at all (And forget the literary skills of the author - this is no Booker Prize or Pulitzer Prize material). But, like a bad movie you have watched halfway, you watch it to the end, hoping to find that it gets better and justifying that you have not wasted your time to begin with. Luckily, it DOES get better with Breaking Dawn. Not because the insipid Kretin has turned into a vampire and given birth to Baby Vamp. But because you are now distracted with more vampires from other regions. The only interesting part of this Twilight series are the Vampires (not including Bella when she becomes a vapid vampire - no matter WHAT she morphs into, I just cannot find anything likeable about her).

Then my friend sends me a link to the Oprah show where she interviews the main characters of the movies. Edward the Vampire, Taylor the Werewolf (can't remember the character's name) and Bella the Kretin. Maybe in real life the actress is more likeable, I think to myself, hopefully. Wanting to find some saving grace in her. Maybe she is a really good actress who portrayed how annoying this Bella character is. Then I watched her in the interview. GAWD ... she is just as annoying in person!!! They should just call her KRETIN STEWART. I don't think I am the only one who could not warm up to this person. I mean, whilst Robert Patterson and Taylor have thousands of screaming fans wanting to hug them, they had to fly in this ONE single fan (from 25 000 miles away) - the only fan this Kretin has - just to show that she has a fan somewhere in the world. And the poor fan had to even ask her if she could have a hug. And whenever Kretin tries to speak, you couldn't understand WHAT she is trying to say. She is not articulate at all. Then, in comes Dakota Fanning - confident, beautiful, intelligent and articulate. Dakota plays the baddie vampire who tries to kill Bella (or at least cause her lots of pain which she truly deserves). Dakota TOTALLY ECLIPSES this Kretin. It's like putting Angelina Jolie next to that Jennifer Aniston (Another annoying vapid creature). I mean - res ipsa loquitour!!! Casting this lovely vivacious Dakota as the Baddie who in the end is outwitted and outpowered by the insipid, weak, gawky, unattractive, bumbling Bella. What does this all point out to?? It is a fantasy to cater for all the Wallflowers of the world. This is the success formula of the book. And this is WHY I HATE IT SO MUCH. Women have, for decades, been MISLED into thinking that even if they are weak and unattractive, some day some rich powerful gorgeous guy is going to fall in love with them and lift them out of their sorry existence into a Happily Ever After. BULLSHIT! Irresponsible writers should stop perpetuating this myth for commercial reasons. There are already loads of depressed women out there because their fantasy has not materialised and they have married some loser fat bastard and have to support him. Stop trying to exploit these sorry creatures. They bought into your whole fantasy because they haven't got the strength of character to see their own worth so they have to live in this dream world you have created for them.

Same like these Bollywood movies. Same formula. Poor girl meets Rich Boy. Rich Boy falls for Poor Girl, ignoring Rich Beautiful Articulate Girl. Millions of Indians bought into this fantasy - because millions of them are poor. Life is like the Matrix movie. Everyone is living in a dream world. Perpetuated by the movie moguls, the media and irresponsible writers who just want to exploit the masses' weaknesses. If you are living in this dream - you deserve to be exploited and you deserve to be depressed when you wake up to the sad reality of your life.

You can stop dreaming of becoming a vampire now.

Watch how Dakota Fanning totally Eclipsed Kristen Steward at the Oprah show:

http://community.livejournal.com/rpattzdaily/1638690.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium+twitter

Anyway, all this angst against Wallflowers has given me an idea on my next Chapati Moments. Watch out for it soon in Navel Gazing!

The Witch of Portobello

I strongly recommend all of you to go out and buy Paolo Coelho's latest book - The Witch of Portobello.

I have always loved Coelho's books. My favourite is the Alchemist - but of course! The others I loved are:
By the River Piedra I sat down and wept
The Pilgrimage
The Fifth Mountain
Eleven Minutes
I did not like Valkyries and Veronika Wants to Die and I felt that The Devil and Miss Prym was a little flat at the end - that there was much more he could do with that story. I felt that he held back the important revelations in that book - thinking that the world is not ready for it. But I know it was missing.

To tell you the truth, I haven't read a novel for many years. When I was a kid I read a lot, devouring books like a demon. Once I pick up a book, I wouldn't put it down until I finished it - going to school bleary eyed the next morning as I had only finished reading a particular book at 6 am. I would be very rude and read at the dinner table despite being scolded by my mum. By the time I was in University, I was too scared to read novels fearing that I might not be able to put them down and then I would miss my lectures and tutorials as well as deadlines for my assignments. When I came back to Malaysia, I brought back crates and crates of books, some signed by the authors eg John Mortimer (love him!) and some first editions, some gems I found at Camden Market where I used to browse on Sundays, buying antiques, eating a paper bag full of hot mini doughnuts and drinking freshly brewed steaming hot coffee. Yes, I used to do this all by myself ....

There was a point of time when I lived at Notinghill Gate, just at the top of Portobello Road. That was fun! Strolling down Portobello Road on weekends, going to the all day cinema down the road. You just have to pay for one ticket and you can watch several movies, come out, have a bite to eat and go in again whenever you feel like it ... This is where I would watch my arty farty movies, my favourite Pedro Almadovar movies etc. All these things I would do on my own - such as going to the opera, ballet & scouring antique markets. My brother, cousins and friends were ino interested in such activities. They went to Sting , Phil Collins and Genesis concerts. None of them could understand me - thinking that I'm such a bizarre moody person, sitting by myself at home listening to Le Nozze di Figaro or Don Giovanni, refusing to answer the phone or doorbell.... things haven't changed much since then. They still think I'm beyond eccentric.

Now my workmates think that too. Years ago my big boss had a word with me about my anti social behaviour - saying that I'm cliquish and selective with my friends. To tell you the truth, he is right. I can't stand having lots of people around me. I instantly feel my energy draining out. Most people are pretty toxic. And with all my meditation, cleansing and detoxing during weekends, the last thing I need is for these corporate vampires to suck my energy out. I take great heed of Al Jilani's words - stay away from ignorant people, stay away from people whose energy is lower than yours. My Sufi guide told me that our energy is like water. If your energy is high and you spend time with someone of lower energy, your energy will flow downwards to the other person so that your energies will balance. That's why you always feel tired when you spend time with people who have low energy levels and they feel rejuvenated when they are with you. Stay away from toxic people. They are energy spongers. What they should do is increase their energy levels on their own through meditation.

Anyway, back to Paolo Coelho's latest book. Here are some excerpts of some of my favourite passages in this book:

"A curse on all those who never listened to the words of Christ and who have transferred his message into a stone building ..... Today the Church has changed those [Christ's] words to read "Come unto me all ye who follow our rules, and let the heavy laden go hang."

"My way of approaching Allah - has been through calligraphy, and the search for the perfect meaning of each word. A single letter requires us to distill in it all the energy it contains, as if we were carving out its meaning. When sacred texts are written, they contain the soul of the men who served as an instrument to spread them throughout the world. And that doesn't apply only to sacred texts, but to every mark we place on paper. Because the hand that draws each line reflects the soul of the person making that line."

" Elegance isn't a superficial thing, it's the way mankind has found to honour life and work. That's why, when you feel uncomfortable in that position, you musn't think that it's false or artificial: it's real and true precisely because it's difficult. That position means that both the paper and the brush feel proud of the effort you are making. The paper ceases to be a flat, colorless surface and takes on the depth of the things placed on it. Elegance is the correct posture if the writing is to be perfect."

**(Tome this is the same with life: when all superfluous things have been discarded, we discover simplicity and concentration).

"In order to forget the rules, you must know them and respect them."
Paolo Coelho also quoted one of my favourite poets Kahlil Gibran from his masterpiece The Prophet:

"Is there anything you would withhold? Some day, all that you have shall be given. The trees give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish....

And what greater merit shall there be than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving? You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give."

In the book, one of the characters is an historian who said "the center of a person is the navel" and expounded on how important the navel is. Then he said "My daughter said that I was behaving oddly thinking only of myself - that I was in short, navel gazing!" Heeheeh, my fellow naval officers Daef and Art should take note of this!

"I spoke only of love. He says the earth needs rituals, well, I can guarantee that if there's love enough among you, you'll have an abundant harvest, because love is the feeling that transforms everything. But what do I see? Friendship. Passion died out a long time ago, because you've all got used to one another. That's why the earth gives what it gave last year, neither more nor less. And that's why, in the darkness of your souls, you silently complain that nothing in your lives changes. Why? Because you've always tried to control the force that transforms everything so that your lives can carry on without being faced by any major challenges."

"I am ... universal wisdom. I came into the world accompanied only by Love. I am the beginning of everything ... For me, love fills everything. It cannot be desired because it is an end in itself. It cannot betray because it has nothing to do with possession. It cannot be held prisoner because it is a river and will overflow its banks. Anyone who tries to imprison love will cut off the spring that feeds it, and the trapped water will grow stagnant and rank."

"Religions will revert to being a refuge for the weak, who are always in search of guidance."

On Sin:

"We all have a duty to love and to allow love to manifest itself in the way it thinks best. We cannot and must not be frightened when the powers of darkness want to make themselves heard, those same powers that introduced the word sin merely to control our hearts and minds .... What is sin? It is a sin to prevent Love from showing itself."

So ... what are you waiting for? Go get this book! However, even here, I felt Coelho held back and could have done much more with this book. He is just skimming the surface but I feel he did it on purpose to cater to a wider range of people. I understand why he does it. He throws in deep messages which most people would find unpalatable and couches it in an entertaining story so that these people would continue reading it ... and hopefully these messages sink in or provoke them to think and not just accept life as they were taught to by their parents, priests etc. I try to do that with Chapati Moments and some of you have picked it up whilst others are just entertained by this dysfuntional family I write about.... :)