Toade News: April 2007

We at Toad Exodus (me and my colony of minions from the Swampland) have set up a newsroom to impart up to date world news of great interest to ourselves which we feel should be of great interest to you too. Due to budget constraints, our news are plagerised from other people's reports and not obtained independently by our foreign correspondents as "we ain't got any, mate". So you will see reports from other news agencies plastered here. However, we have managed to send out 2 unsuspecting fools from our Toad colony to the Middle East, telling them that they have won a lucky draw, ie a free trip to the historic nation of Iraq. We will be receiving reports from them on details of their "holiday" from time to time and have fully equipped them with a Nokia handphone each.

Now, today's news which should be of great interest to you, is on Iran and of course those blundering idiots, the United States (yeah, God Save America, indeed). Here are some snippets from the Independent by a Patrick Cockburn entitled "The Botched US Raid that led to the Hostage Crisis". (you see, even the British are calling the Americans bumbling fools and are blaming them for the recent capture of their sailors and marines).

"A failed American attempt to abduct two senior Iranian security officers on an official visit to northern Iraq was the starting pistol for a crisis that 10 weeks later led to Iraninas seizing 15 British sailors and Marines."

The report goes on to tell us that on January 11 this year, helicopter-born US forces launched a surprise raid on a long-established Iranian liaison office in the city of Arbil in Iraqi Kurdistan. "They captured five relatively junior Iranian officials whom the US accuses of being intelligence agents and still holds". hrrmmph, at this rate, even our tea lady in her dainty floral blouse would be accused of being an intelligence agent by these Americans. The Independent goes on to point out the British government's mismanagement of the whole situation "Better understanding of the seriousness of the US action in Arbil - and the angry Iranian response to it - should have led Downing Street and the Ministry of Defence to realise that Iran was likely to retaliate against American and British forces such as highly vulnerable Navy search parties in the Gulf." Hmmm ... search parties indeed. Another name for intelligence agents? Or illegal invaders' & occupiers' forces? The English language has been very much abused by the Americans and the British lately.

The Independent then reveals the US' real objective in the initial attack in Arbil. "The aim of the raid, launched without informing the Kurdish authorities, was to seize two men at the very heart of the Iranian security establishment." And who were these 2 much coveted persons they wanted to capture? Mohammed Jafari, the powerful deputy head of the Iranian National Security Council and General Minojahar Frouzanda, the chief of intelligence of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard (toad warning: doncha ever mess with these fellas). "The two men were in Kurdistan on an official visit during which they met the Iraqi President, Jalal Talabani, and later saw Massoud Barzani, the President of the Kurdistan Regional Government." The Independent goes on to make this very important statement - the attempt by the US to seize the two high-ranking security officers openly meeting with Iraqi leaders is akin to "as if Iran had tried to kidnap the heads of the CIA and MI6 while they were on an official visit to a country neighbouring Iran, such as Pakistan or Afghanistan".

"The US officials in Washington subsequently claimed that the five Iranian officials they did seize, who have not been seen since, were 'suspected of being closely tied to activities targeting Iraq and coalition forces'." The Independent then says "This explantion does not make any sense. No member of the US-led coalition has been killed in Arbil and there are no Sunni-Arab insurgents or Shia militiamen there."

Yeah, I mean, has anything the US has told us made any sense at all?? Its just a load of bullshit they are dishing out to us so that they can get away with mass killings and looting. We at Toade News will give you details of the US Looting Expedition in Iraq some time soon. Its our lunch break now and we have some flies to munch... Cheerio until the next news bulletin!