Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Toade News

Before we start, we would like you to stare at the image above for ten seconds whilst moving your torso forwards & backwards in a rocking motion and say to yourselves "I will believe everything I read on Toad Exodus".

We at Toad Exodus do not have the time, energy, funds, military power, explosives or guns to manipulate your thinking process so our intelligence team of volunteer crackpots have devised a scheme to hypnotise our readers into instantly believing everything we write here.

Repeat after us repeatedly for the next half hour:

"a.President Bush is a war criminal.

b. Prime Minister Blair is a war criminal.

c. Prime Minister John Howard is a war criminal.

d. All persons above must be impeached and indicted for their war crimes."

Now for the news. The UK Times 12 April 2007 carries the following article by Matthew Parris "There's one man who must take the lie-detector test". He says:

"Politicians [in UK] have come up with a great idea. They now plan to subject us in Britain to US-style lie-detector tests." He called Prime Minister Tony Blair "the most consummate confidence trickster on the planet". Those who don't quite understand this sentence, let us simplify it for you - he called Blair a bloody liar. He also recommended that Blair be put on the lie-detector test at Prime Minister's Questions.

"If at noon on Wednesday the buzzer does not sound when Tony Blair speaks, then the whole technology can be scrapped as useless."

Meanwhile, the Guardian (same date) carries the headlines "Top Generals reject war tsar role for Iraq & Afghanistan". 3 retired generals approached by the White House about a new high-profile post overseeing the wars in Iraq & Afghanistan & reporting directly to the president have rejected the proposed post, leaving the administration struggling to find anyone of stature willing to take it on.

"The unwillingness of the generals to take the job undermines recent attempts by the Bush Administration to put a positive spin on the Iraq war. Mr Cheney [the ultimate consummate liar next to Bush] last week reiterated claims of links between al-Qaida and Saddam Husseins' Iraq in spite of newly released US intelligence assessments saying there had been no evidence. Mr Cheney also favours air strikes against Iran's nuclear sites. [Can somebody string this arsehole upside down by his balls? He's really pissing me off]. The US is still claiming that Iran is supplying Iraqi insurgents with explosive devices used in ambushes on US & British troops & that Iran is training insurgents to use the explosives. A Major General William Caldwell said the information had been gleaned from interrogation of detainees as recently as this month, some of whom said they had been in Iranina traning camps."

Yes, well, considering their interrogation techniques, anyone would admit to anything - even having sex with President Bush! err on second thoughts, maybe not that...

The Guardian also carries a report by the International Committee of the Red Cross which details "unbearable suffering of Iraqi civilians". According to the report, Iraqi civilians are experiencing "immense suffering" because of "disastrous" security situation, deepening poverty and a worsening humanitarian crisis. The ICRC also sees no sign that the American-led security "surge" in Baghdad is bringing relief to the capital. "The suffering the Iraqi men, women and children are enduring today is unbearable and unacceptable" Pierre Kraehenbuehl, director of operations for the organisation, said at the group's Geneva headquarters.

We at Toade News would like to remind you that the Iraqi people lived in peace and prosperity under the late Saddam Hussein and their lives have been shattered by the Americans and their coalition forces the British and the Australians for their own nefarious purposes.

Our friend Tina has taught us a special curse, which we feel should be repeated daily:

"May a group of diseased and hyperactive hedgehogs take up residence in the arses of Bush, Blair and Howard and all those who support them."

Tune in regularly for our alternative, upbeat & biased news. Cheerio folks.

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