AKON

His full name is Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam.

I was listening to the radio one day, my favourite station Fly FM (where is FLY GUY by the way???), and they played this very catchy tune "I wanna love you" by Akon. I liked it so much that after work that week I stopped by Tower Records at KLCC to get the CD. I also bought Yusuf Islam's "An Other Cup". Very Sufi .... Yusuf Islam lah, not Akon. Whilst I was at Tower Records, My Cousin called me. I told her I was at Tower Records and when she asked me what I was buying, I told her the name of the 2 CDs.

Later that night when I was in bed, I played Akon's CD. When the song "I wanna Love You" came on, I was humming to it trying to sing along. Then I realised that some of the words I thought I knew were in there, somehow were not there but replaced by other words. I had to replay that song to make sure. Eh, I wondered... the tune is the same but the words were different. I had to stop and replay 3 times to make sure. I wanna Love You is actually I wanna Fuck You. The one played on radio is the censored version where they replace the word Fuck with Love. Then the song deteriorates further when Snoop Dog comes in with his rap part. All I can make out is that he said something like " I see you winding and grinding all over the floor ..." or something like that. Then he goes on about someone's pussy being ripe. Well, since I spend most of my time listening to the Opera, this was quite a new experience for me. I was lying in bed blinking at the ceiling for a few minutes trying to digest this song which I thought was such a sweet lovey dovey song at first. Anyway, I grew to like the whole CD... warts et al.

The next week I get a phone call from My Cousin who was almost yelling at me. Well, she was talking very loudly over the phone in an agitated manner. "What on earth were you thinking when you recommended that CD??" she demanded. What CD did I recommend? I was wondering. Suddenly it dawned on me. "No!!! You didn't!! You bought Akon!!" I screamed in horror. "I did NOT recommend it. I told you I was buying Akon and Yusuf Islam but I did not recommend it!!"

Now in order to continue telling you this episode for you to grasp the enormity of this faux pas, I will have to reveal something to you. My Cousin is a princess. I know we sometimes refer to someone as a princess or an angel but no, I mean a real princess. She is the daughter of one of our Sultans. (yes, that makes me some sort of minor royal nowhere in line to the throne). My Cousin knows that I listen to the Opera a lot and that since I was buying Yusuf Islam and Akon at the same time, somehow she must have been lulled into thinking that Akon is pretty mild warm & fuzzy stuff. So she was out somewhere that week and went into a CD shop, saw Akon's CD and remembered that I had "recommended" it (basically all I did was mention to her that I bought it). Then later that week, she was in her car going to some meeting or official function, togged in her baju kurung and pearls... stuck in a traffic jam at Jalan Sultan Ismail (probably outside the Shag-me La) when she decided to listen to some ... music... She was sitting at the back seat so she asked her driver whom we call "Pakcik" (Uncle) to put on... yes, you guessed it...her new CD.. Akon's Konvicted. Pakcik has been working for her late grandmother for many years and thereafter for her. He has been with the royal family for decades. So imagine this, Pakcik in his batik shirt and songkok, with My Cousin at the back seat, stuck in the traffic jam in KL and ... listening to Akon. The song I wanna fuck you is song #4. When it came on, My Cousin thought to herself, "oh, I know this song... it's familiar... I can hum along to it..." then she heard the "I wanna ...f..." she was puzzled at first. Then the song continues with Snoop Dog going on about some ripe pussy and she was growing more & more embarrassed. As they were stuck in a jam, Pakcik was not preoccuppied with driving so they had to listen to this song... and don't think that Pakcik would not understand Snoop Dog's rapping coz he is quite "with it" our Pakcik.

Sigh, so after the function, when My Cousin got back to her istana, the first thing she did was to call me and .... so I was in the doghouse for a while!!! How was I supposed to know that she was going to go out & buy it???? Why didn't she buy Yusuf Islam instead? There is no rap collaboration between Yusuf Islam and Snoop Dog! Not that I know of anyway. By the way can someone tell me what happened to Fly Guy? How can they have Fly FM without the Fly Guy??